One thing that has been helping me is just leaving the room to give each other space. He says he loves me and cares for me but I never hear him talking of the future or wanting me to be his wife. ! And he states that he just noticed it then. Ive mentioned the kissing thing to him a couple of times and so far, no real change. I tried to talk to him about it multiple times, every time he would apologize and say he would be better, but he always fell back in the same routine. He is using you for everything you got. They tell each other they make each other better people. I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. He apologized but I was just so hurt. I am not allowed upstairs in their house either, it just makes me feel uncomfortable if I go to his. When I do, its the absolute bare minimum or just a bunch of excuses. But whatever. And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. im still inlove with him up to now but i feel so tired understanding him and ive been unhappy throughtout the relationship. He Found Someone Else. What happened now Millie? I kept on wishing the man I met at the beginning of the relationship would show up but he never did. Coming to the realization that a partner is no longer emotionally invested in your commitment isn't an easy pill to swallow, and it's definitely not something to ignore. My boyfriend has told me that multiple times and yet we are in the same place months later. He never seems to try, you know. The crazy thing about all this is that even tho Im the one craving attention and love and effort in the relationship, he actually relies on me a lot. He asked if I wanted help learning and I said a big yes. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. Ask your boyfriend open-ended questions about how he thinks your relationship is going, and if theres anything you both can do to bring you closer together. Now, he doesnt put effort. to think I was already 32 years old still got fooled by a man. Has financial debt, related to college expenses. I mentioned it many times, cant wait to get home and eat what youve made & have dinner with you! Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. He used to do things for me but it seems like he doesnt do anything. Same thing happened another day and another. But in the last month, I have noticed that I am always initiating meeting with him, and he would suggest in the very same day or at the spare of the moment for me to pass by his place and we end up spending 2 hours or so with each other having sex and then I leave because one of us has a commitment. , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. Maybe hes just tired from working too much? Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. We need to be very careful with whom we share our hearts with. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. The middle of this relationship scale is a 5: youve been dating for a year or more, and you know each other fairly well. The worst of all, Hes so Unforgiven, if we have misunderstanding ill sent a text of apology, after that ill try to call him, but, he wont pickup on several occasions. He cheated on me and the worst part is that he left like me a cigarette butt. He has no end of time for himself. You need to recognize that youre settling for less than you deserve. Living togeter or having sex before marriage is not accepted in my family and i also iddnt want to do that. Hes everything youd want in a guy except for the fact that hes not romantic at all, sometimes I feel like he puts no effort into anything. Why waste both our times. Just a text. Hurt Feelings. His brother lives for free with his mother and he has nothing but contempt for him over it. His temper and his childish attitude and how he has to be right all the time. I allowed his lack of effort to continue for far too long. I still have ticket stubs from all the movies we saw and how much trouble weve gotten into together. For example, his car broke down in a town more then an hour away. So i get back from fall break and i zoom him.hes acting different and grumpy and meanhe told me he was moving back to his home state and never coming backI started balling my eyes out I was so confused. He has never been mad at me, even when I lash out at him. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. Be careful when you hear those words. I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. Im so sorry this happened to you. He has motivation and spends money on doing that but what about me lol, he puts no effort into our relationship. I think this self reflection is important to ensure I dont repeat this again. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. I met other guys got into relationships but didnt work. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but in time you will heal. After that night i got my phone taken because my grades were awful (bc of home issues) so me and him didnt talk much but that did not stop me.I would sneak the phone and iPad all the time and talk to him still but then my mom found out about this boyfriend of mine (my sister is a snitch) and i told her that i liked him but i wasnt dating him. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. Need. Any time i initiate sex, he either stiffens up, doenst move or lets out an exasperated sigh. I am going through something eerily similar as you described. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. Ive changed from an angry tone to a more assertive one but even if we sort them out, hed revert back to his old habits and ill start pointing fingers and he shuts it out again and eventually we stop talking about it altogether. The times he comes over my house on his days off its really late at night because he says he is tired and wants to lay down the whole day. He begrudgingly paid the initial payment of $600 but was pissed because he expected me to spend my winter break, the first break Ive had for myself since before my mom got diagnosed with cancer on 2020, working full time to save up the $1800 tuition. Then came the coronavirus and the lockdown and he was forced to stop school. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. maybe its because im his first gf and he doesnt know exactly how to treat one, but it still makes me sad to think that he might not love me that much. But hes not different. This person uses sarcasm to take me down a peg, even after I said that Im not here for that. but when you asked him he keep saying i dont hate you i hate your attitude sometimes. I have told him many times that he doesnt care about me, and he always says that he loves me. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. Yet there it is, still on since god knows when he took her out. The life situations just put our relationship to the side. We have a beautiful home and are dog and cat owners. Then I come home to him sleeping in bed. Its completely up to me to provide the conversation and topics, which is rather stressful for me 2 years in. from there we started to be friend. Especially no Valentines or birthday. He was not able to go back to school again because his government decided that no one will graduate this year. But he says that I am the person he wants to build a family with and take care of our children someday. He also gave his daughter my phone number so she could text me as she wasnt feeling well. He however is a very intelligent, high functioning person with autism. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. He ignores you. I realized he got into gaming with a girl for a long time. He doesnt call me much. This has all happened within the last 3 months. I love him dearly, but no lie Im confused & I dont like feeling confused. And what if something bad happened to him which I hope not at least I know who to contact. How much time should I spent apart from him and not talking to him? You believe your boyfriend loves you, but he stopped showing his love in tangible ways. And we rarly go outing..but i wanted to be spend my time with him. I feel like a roommate or guest or kept woman instead of woman he loves. I tried talking to him and he said I was being to needy. Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. All you can do is give him space to love you the way he wants. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. Im certain when he got up in the middle of the night drunk and angry because I was trying to cuddle and woke him up (he got dressed and turned all the lights on to start manically cleaning the house) that he probably threw them in the garbage. If his texts arent super time-sensitive, then its okay to That was on Friday. Ive been upset ever since and its only been a week but Im feeling really low and I have bad anxiety in general but its been worse lately because of him. It makes me feel like 1: he now feels a connection with this woman he does not with me and that is why he feels so contemptuous towards me all the time now 2: pissed off that he KNOWS it bothers me, is not able to understand why I feel that way and simply disregards my feelings maybe even doing it on purpose?? What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? We dont even have a date on when we decided to be together. Were both in high school now. I asked when he might feel comfortable seeing me again. I am very fortunate to be free from that. I really love this article. He never compliments me, from my perspective he only tells me when Im not doing something right. My expectations: Be an adult while fighting. he just sits there and acts like he hasnt heart a word ive said. Sometimes I dont talk to see if hell bring anything up, and the silence is too awkward and long that I give in and say something else. Dont ever think you are alone btw! He say that he dosnt want to sex with me. I talk about this with him. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. when i make plans to go out tgt w him he will in the end cancel it and i feel so fked up. You didnt like THAT answer, did you? Love your reply and I agree with it all Im struggling right now as Im conflicted with wht to do how long do you wait how long do you keep understanding he has issues he is dealing with but makes minimal effort with our relationship.. Im just sad angry and confused. He feels sex is for marriage. Because I love him, i did. He just replied by saying he didnt have any money. Weve had a roller coaster of a relationship. But the few times i ask him to go out of his way for me, its like im not important enough for him to do anything for. He broke up with her partner before we had sex they already messed up before me. His excuse was that he had no time because of work. Its too much. Were both in college and when we started dating we were together all the time, we went out together with friends, we watched movies, etc. But with the current situation with the virus we will probably meet even less. It made me sad, I didnt even hear from him all weekend and then he tells me he misses me. I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years doesnt really care anymore. I couldnt reciprocate kisses or hugs. He rarely responds to texts throughout the day and he never texts me first. Hi! Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. And i couldnt forget it. he nvr suprises me, nvr rlly care if im okay or not. He used to put in a little more effort Im confused. I am secretary saving money to leave. For our year and a half anniversary I didnt have money at the time and we were fighting a lot but I made him a good luck bracelet and wrote him a very personal card. He went out and bought 48 roses he surprised me with though out the day for Valentines day and took me out for a really nice dinner- he even planned having sexy time (which got postponed finishing). Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. He had agreed we both need to be more positive and would be open to doing little exercises each day. Im so interested in him so Im conflicted. It has still been difficult for me since we spent so much time together. Hi im kushi, 25yrs old.. My boyfriend and I have been in our relationship for 3yrs now.. When ALL grocery stores near us are closed saying I dont feel like cooking tonight, we dont have all the ingredients so I say ok why is it that you didnt notice this when you got home from work when stores were open? That it was fine even though I was angry but I didnt show him the anger. And I hardly have any money since I am paying for literally everything. Instead of being apologetic or understanding how disappointed I was, naturally he got mad because Im never happy and hes tired of just being here for when I want something so as you can imagine its now Sat night and it never happened because now hes mad at me for demanding things and pouting when I dont get my way. and even whn im thr at his place, he would play his game until its time to sleep and then repeat the same thing everyday. You can do it xoxox, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Always cussed them out and called them names, and he works a whole day.. we are now behind on bills , our electric is over 300$ , our wifi is 170+$, we have another wifi bill from another company thats 200+$, and hes had multiple concussions and a broken hip from hockey a long time ago.. Hes become so inward that I have to question him daily and it hurts.. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. The day he chatted he just really want a date for that day and as we go along he confess to me that he has a crush on me since 6th grade and told me he really want to have relationship with me in high school but didnt make it because he think of me highly that he is afraid he gets dump by me so the ending he courted my bestfriend. Life is to short to live on a roller coaster. She tried to meet my bf but she found out about more crazy stuff and i got into a lot of trouble. It had been more than a month since I had last talked to him. I love him however because of his lack of effort Im almost ready to walk away for good. He knew everything about my family and their pictures but not for me. He doesnt seem to like me being around on the weekends when he has his daughter. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. Also dont listen to a guys words only watch their actions. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. You Are Very Possessive & Insecure about Him. Or do I allow that this person has already shown me who they are, and leave? The bonus to this approach? Hes a good guy but I dont know why he stopped trying. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. A healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand. I have a lot of questions, but no answers. Our honeymoon ended way sooner than for others. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? He was fine with it so we just started to say it to each other. I miss my best friend and I hate that it feels like maybe hes not missing me as much as I do. you are still young and you should take this time to learn about yourself and then find the right man that will want a future with you. If I try to tell him how much I care he insists I dont. We both have made developments and decided to let go of our bad past. Maybes its best we leave it and not have to try so hard with the next person. He knows Im upset yet does nothing to help me when all I want is a hug. He said he was torn and worried about Coronavirus. Which I loved! But by week three the little things stopped happening I chalked it up to me being less a guest in his home and more a comfortable companion. One thing I have learnt over the years is that we shouldnt let our kindness be a weakness in front of men. Honestly he may need some space. He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. Just torn and dont know what to do. I get everyday but we go like 3 weeks to a month to once a month. You cant control your feelings, but you can control what you say and do. Since Christmas hes stopped seeing as much, no nice texts, less phone calls he says its not me & its because hes busy with work but even now on a Friday night hes at his place & im at mine. So me and my bf have been dating fur about 5 months now. He has lost interest in everything. We just celebrated our 9 months of being together last Sept. He does not feel like he should go the extra mile to do anything as long as you know he loves you. He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. Then rock bottom hits, I ended up having to go to urgent care bc of an allergic reaction to a flu shot I had gotten. I just wish he would care more. I just feel stupid and I kinda want to give up on him. For the past few months I noticed he stopped making effort. You, me, and probably thousands of other girls are in the same boat right now with the Coronavirus. MUCH LOVE!!! Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. Then keep being the fabulous person that you are. But now everything is so plain and horrible. When you get his attention, never hesitate to say your mind. I said I didnt think I could be in a relationship with him anymore because I was tired of being the one always doing the work and making an effort. I stayed in that relationship. I feel like i am constantly having to fight for us to have a better relationship. As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. I noticed he changed a bit, he does little effort in our relationship. 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